NOTE: I HAVE NO IDEA WHEN I WROTE THIS DRAFT. IT WAS WHILE I WAS STUDYING FOR THE BAR. THAT MAKES IT OVER A YEAR OLD. IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S DONE, SO YOU CAN HAVE IT, WARTS AND ALL. I PROMISE TO START WRITING REGULARLY ONCE MY WORK GETS TOTALLY PAST THE LEARNING CURVE AND I STOP GETTING IMPOSSIBLE ASSIGNMENTS.
(i) Records I Have Enjoyed As Of Late.
Devo – Be Stiff EP – Stiff Records (1978)
Six tracks, most of which were later re-recorded for use on their Warner Bros. debut, Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo. The version of “Social Fools” on here is completely amazing and if you don’t like it you’re probably stupid, like in a clinical way. It’s a punk band on a punk label doing punk things, with all of the weirdness that they exhibited early on, utterly un-tempered by their corporate masters at WB. The EP contains the version of “Are We Not Men?” that includes a call-and-response riddle ode to their home state. It is also notable because it’s basically the only Devo recording I hadn’t heard, and now I have, so I can pretty much die whenever at this point because we got that speedbump squared away.
(ii) Coasters – I Am Fucking Sick of Great America
It’s depressing to have come to this point, but I have lived in or around Chicago, IL since I was five years old, and I think that I don’t ever want to see the inside of a well-populated Six Flags Great America again so long as I live. I stress the “well-populated” – if it was totally dead inside, I’d gladly go. But there’s almost nothing there that actually warrants the cost and the crowd.
My favorite rides at Great America are the Raging Bull and the Viper, both of which I have ridden so many times that muscle memory disallows me any fun – I instinctively know when to brace myself and exactly for what. If I had to rank all of the coasters at SFGAM, I guess it’d look like this:
1. Raging Bull
2. Viper
3. American Eagle
4. Deja Vu
5. Ragin’ Cajun
6. Superman
7. Vertical Velocity
8. Whizzer
9. Iron Wolf
Just looking at that list, in comparison to what other parks have, is depressing. I can go to Cedar Point (in fact, I am going, in just over a month), and they have a whole lot more rides than that, and several of them (Millenium Force!) are utterly amazing – not just in a thrillseeking sense, but in a “marvel of human ingenuity” sense. They work with the layout of the park, instead of being shoehorned into fucking part of the goddamned parking lot (hey there, Viper!). More importantly, it’s actually cheaper to get into Cedar Point, and it’s not staffed by subhuman assholes who are inspecting what my t-shirt means to determine whether or not I’ll have to turn it inside out (e.g. Greenhouse “Ska-plunk” shirt, parady of “Kerplunk” cover – told to turn it inside out for no reason except that the person looking didn’t understand). Going the SFGAM has been pretty much a never-ending calvalcade of horror, discomfort, and abuse, and I’m pretty sure that unless it’s some sort of private party or it’s otherwise free-of-charge, I don’t need their dirty, piece of shit park any more. Six Flags are a bad company and they should feel bad.
(iii) Drinks – You Can Totally Buy Beamish Again / Reviews of Cheap Wine
Beamish – Beamish Irish Stout is apparently available in the US again, after (???) resulted in there not being any fucking Beamish at the store for way too long. Beamish is a cream stout, akin to Guinness, except that it manages to be smoother and creamier. If you are looking for a cream stout, not one of those brutal, bitter imperials, you can’t really find one that is nicer to your mouth than Beamish.
Cheap Wine Reviews
Big House Pink – Last week was cheap rose week, and this one is ridiculously sweet with very little dryness to it. I think it cost about six bucks at the store. Screw-top. Would drink too quickly again.
Frontera Chilean Rose – Three bucks at the store next door. Tastes off, like vinegar. Don’t drink this.