This is a compilation track that Warp Records has made available as a totally free MP3.
I love this band, so this gave me a big boner.
This is a no-vocals track with tons of drums and a drifty little keyboard melody. Sounds like it belongs on one of the Microtronics mini CDs they did.
First, we had Panda Bear’s Person Pitch, which was basically like Pet Sounds, except sung by ghosts.
Now we’ve got Burial’s Untrue, which sounds like 2-step, except that all of the artists are ghosts, and they record their vocals in a secret underwater ghost studio.
In early November of this year, I gathered all of my bullshit microphones and my pseudoscience magnetometer (where there be electro-magnetic fields, there be paranormal activity) and whatever else assholes use on television, and headed to St. Augustine’s Scaretorium, a horrifyingly haunted building that used to be used to scare creepy little girls until they were literally dead. Once the girls had succumbed to fear, they were buried underneath the Scaretorium, where a caretaker carefully disturbed their grave sites and moved the children once every single years. That’s a lot of paranormal activity!!!
Above: St. Augustine’s Scaretorium in happier times.
When I got there, it was the darkest night I have ever seen and the wind sounded like a wolf. I swear to god a fucking wolf. Amazingly, the building itself was well-maintained on the inside – almost as if restless spirits of little girls spent their afterlives cleaning and polishing and using glass cleaner (no streaks!) and waiting and waiting and waiting.
After passing through an unremarkable (yet absolutely haunted…with ghosts!!!) foyer, I entered the primary elevator. Unlike the service elevator, the primary elevator contains such modern accoutrements as mirrors and wood paneling. It was here that the paranormal ghost activity first began to manifest itself.
Above: several spirit orbs appear in this actual photograph taken in the haunted elevator of the haunted abandoned scaretorium.
The elevator empties into a room filled with maybe two dozen empty beds, all of which appear to have once supported the weight of lifeless little girl corpses, scared to death in the scaretorium. My bullshit EMF reader thing was going crazy!! The needle was bouncing up and down and up – it was obvious that this place wasn’t normal – but paranormal!!!!!!!
Ghosts!!!!
All attempts at photographing this room failed.
Above: one attempt at a photograph of the haunted abandoned beds.
The room of haunted, abandoned beds had two doors. One led into a (haunted) bathroom – the other into a (equally haunted) bedroom. Summoning all of my bravery in the face of literally hundreds of thousands of ghosts of dead children, I walkedfirst into the bathroom.
Above: the bathroom, before ghosts were fucking everywhere and I totally flipped my shit
The bathroom was haunted. Again, all of my sophisticated ghost-sensing equipment that I bought from the mall or whatever was going apeshit. It was like: fuck! Ghosts!
Just then, I saw a human skull face. It was watching and hovering.
Above: skull face – hovering, watching, haunting
I tried to run but it was behind me. It was behind me and I could feel its spiritual aura of hate and fear and it wanted me to be dead, just like it was dead because it was a ghost. A ghost of a skull.
Above: being chased by the skull of a ghost of a little dead girl
At this point, I panicked. I turned to run away from the haunted skull ghost – in doing so, I lost three thousand dollars’ worth of equipment.
Unfortunately, in my total fear of ghosts, I ran into the bedroom instead of boarding the elevator right the F back to someplace that is not haunted. I stood totally still – deep breaths helped me regain my composure, and ghosts – like houseflies – cannot see stationary objects as well as moving ones.
Also, ghosts cannot move if you look directly at them, but only when you face away. This is how one ghost almost got me in the bedroom. I looked right. Suddenly, to my left…
Above: it’s fucking ghosts!!!
This was too much. My head jerked left – in looking at the ghost, I would immobilize it, and have one last chance to get to the elevator before I, too, became a creature of the spirit world, forever haunting the living.
Above: the ghost that attempted to take my mortal human life
After my harrowing experience at the Scaretorium, I have decided to hang up my ghost hunting gear and retire from the game. In over three dozen years of dedicated ghost hunting, I have never, ever seen a place as haunted as this. May the good lord Jesus see to it that I never see so many dangerous ghosts again so long as I live.
, which was basically like Pet Sounds, except sung by ghosts.
, which sounds like 2-step, except that all of the artists are ghosts, and they record their vocals in a secret underwater ghost studio.
